Well, my birthday is next week and I will officially turn the big 2-8! When I was in undergrad at UTC I had it planned out that I'd be married with my first child by the time I was 28. Well, needless to say, I did not meet that deadline. In fact, at this point in my life, I don't see myself being anything close to married anytime soon. It's funny because every time I'm back home, it never fails--I run into someone I haven't seen in a while and they want an update on my life since I moved up the road to Knoxville. I had no shame in sharing the blessings that God has bestowed upon me since I made that major leap of faith, packed up my bags and moved to BIG ORANGE COUNTRY! While I have yet to be converted to a full fledged Vols fan, I did have the opportunity to see the Lady Vols in action (which lead to my fascination with Glory! LOL!), but I digress. When the "Well are you seeing anyone?" question is thrown at me, my normal response is "I mean, I'm dating a little, but nothing serious." As soon as I say that, I prepare my defense, because I know the next comment will play up all the "good things that I have going for myself." The truth of the matter is that I've been blessed to come across some exceptional women, but none of whom that make me feel that feeling that my father had when he met my mom all those years ago. My father has only had one serious relationship in his lifetime! He and my mother met back when they were in middle school...yes I said it...MIDDLE SCHOOL. As the story goes, he pursued her up until they went to high school and finally got a date! From that moment on, they developed a friendship that eventually blossomed into so much more. Now I know that they've had their share of moments that made them question whether they made the right decision in spending their lives together, but the love that they share always seems to put things in its proper perspective.
Before I made my move, I was in a serious relationship that I thought was leaning towards THAT "M" WORD. I mean we practically grew up together, cared for each other and wanted the same things out of live. The only problem we had was that we just didn't get along as well as two people in a relationship should. Now I don't think that it was a case of one person not doing their fair share to make it work, it was more of (as the old saying goes) oil and water just don't mix. No matter how hard you shake a bottle, convinced that you've exerted enough energy to mix the two, when you sit the bottle back down on the table you realize that you failed (once again) to achieve your goal.
Now ladies, I'm going to let you all in on a secret that no guy will ever tell you. Failure, in any aspect of our lives, has a tendency to either break us or harden us to the point that our overall approach to that particular situation changes drastically. Personally, my entire approach to dating and relationships has changed to the point where I'll damn near put a girl "on line" to test her overall desire to be with me. Now I know that being in this state of mind has caused me to lose out on some wonderful opportunities, but that's how I've programmed my feelings.
Going back to parents' relationship, I asked my father what made him sure that my mother was "the one." His answer was simply that he prayed about it and trusted his heart inside of his mind. I see now, that my problem is that since my last REAL relationship, I've gone about this situation the wrong way...I've trust my mind and negated my heart! I guess next time I'll just pray about it and let my heart guide me.
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